Grampy Lash

I am beginning to believe that part of my aging process has included some increased naiveté, as badly as I hate to admit. I’m still pretty good at concealing it, but one recent instance left me no other option than just to mellow out and roll with it.

Several years ago, Claudia was diagnosed as having celiac disease. The final diagnosis had been a long time coming which is a whole nother story. She had been pretty sick for a couple of years leading up to the diagnosis and when we learned that, although there was no cure for it, the symptoms could most likely be cured by committing to a gluten free diet. Within just a few weeks afterwards she was indeed free of her nasty symptoms.

During our quest for gluten free foods – no wheat, no rye, no barley – we ventured into a small vegetarian grocery that specialized in GF foods. There were several samples throughout the store and most of them were surprisingly tasty, especially the honeynut bars. So, I bought some, took them home, put them in the pantry and pretty much forgot about them until about a week ago. In my haste, I did not take note of the ingredients at that time. It looked good, tasted good, and said gluten free on the package. That was all that really mattered at that time.

For some time now we have been meeting once every few months with a small group of friends at each other’s home for an evening of dinner and conversation. The host for each gathering has always been conscientious about keeping Claudia’s dietary needs in mind when preparing the dinner. We had such a gathering last week, and we decided to prepare a light gluten free dessert to take along to make things easier for the host. The honeynut bar mix that had been stashed away in the pantry, immediately came to mind. When I found the package, I examined the cover, searching for those two magic words to confirm that it was acceptable. However, I was somewhat stunned by the first word that greeted my eyes: hempelicious.

Hempelicious!? I was temporarily blinded to the two magic words lower on the cover. My mind went into a light panic mode, perhaps denial. Denial was soon blurred by my mind’s enlargement of Lady Janes’s this-shit-is-good image at the top of the cover. I had not seen this at the store; probably would not have bought it. Caveat emptor dude! You should have checked out the ingredients: Hemp seeds, non-fat powdered milk, unsweetened coconut, sesame seed, sea salt. Furthermore, on the back of the package was the company’s web site: cousinmaryjane.com. What kind of place had that little vegetarian store really been? I asked myself.

This is when my naiveté manifested itself. I must confess that I have never tried ingesting marijuana in any way, shape or form – except perhaps through second hand smoke that I could not help but inhale. Now, I was faced with a crucial  dilemma: I could throw it away, make it and eat it all myself, or make it and share with our friends. After some quick research, I assured myself that the hemp seeds were exceedingly healthy. There was nothing to be concerned about. I decided to share with my friends … with a disclaimer.

We had a very nice dinner that night. I informed our friends about the hempelicious honey nut bars. They laughed it off and we all had one. There was much munching and crunching of hemp seeds and we all had a very good evening. There were quite a few of the bars left over. I took those home and ate the remainder over the next few days with no ill effects. I did, however, develop a hankering for some Frito Lay Cheetos Puffs that did abate shortly after the honeynut bars were gone. The only residual of the experience which still lingers in my mind is the image of Lady Jane.

August 28,2015