Just got back from having a colonoscopy done. It really was not that bad, and the nice thing is they actually enourage you to fart – big time!
“Are you feeling okay?” the nurse inquired as the fog slowly lifted from my awareness.
“I think so,” I groggily replied.
“Okay, Mr. Lash,” the nurse sing-songingly advised, “we need one more little thing before you can leave. Actually it’s kind of big. We need for you to pass a really big fart to get rid of all the air that is still bloating your colon.”
I was beginning to like this nurse. “I will get to work on that right away.”
“Any luck yet?” the nursed asked a few minutes later as she peeped around the curtain.
“Not yet!” I wasn’t quite ready to let go because by now I assumed I was drawing an audience and stage fright was starting to set in. Claudia was keeping vigil by my bed, and I seldom fart in my wife’s presence; only in my sleep at night.
“Well, you must fart. We can’t let you leave until you give us a big fart.”
Shortly afterwards it came. It was huge, and I provided some additional abdominal impetous that shook the curtain surrounding my bed.
“I heard that!” the voice proclaimed from outside the curtain. “Sounds like you got rid of quite a lot of air. Now, we need at least one more like that, and then we can let you get out of here. The bond between the nurse and I was growing.
Soon, another thunderous rectal belch. I swear I could feel air being drawn from my eye sockets.
“I think we can let you go now, and I will personally take you to your car as soon as you are dressed and ready to go!” came the voice outstide the curtain for the final time. She looked kind of proud as she swept the curtain asside and positioned the wheel chair for the ride. I think she was actually humming a happy tune to herself on the way out.
As she helped me out of the chair and into my car, there were these last words of instructions:
“You may not drive a car, or operate any kind of machinery, sign any important document for the reaminder of the day, or indulge in any activity that may be physically strenuous.”
“Can I fart some more?”
“Fart as much as you like, Honey!” she said as she spun the chair around and headed back to repeat the same procedure with the next lucky guy.
I’m still kind of groggy. I have forgotten what the nurse looked like, but I think I love her!
I have been asked to leave places for having farted, but this was the first time that I was being held hostage until I blew one – a really big one.
Grampy Lash 
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